Lent

Well, here I am. I've never observed Lent until this year. For the last few months, I have felt God moving, convicting, and speaking to me throughout my everyday life. Whether it be through a message from church, a podcast, music, or just my kids, God was talking. I'm not for sure how long God has been trying to talk with me because I like to talk a lot. So I have a hard time sitting still and listening to my Papa. Oh the things He has taught me in the last almost year since leaving Korea. This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days, and yet sad to be leaving behind dear friends. It was getting warm there and the trees were just starting to show signs of life. How awesome, side note, is it that these trees and flowers and the grass just keep coming back every year! God is so awesome in how he created everything. So, the last few weeks, I have really felt God tugging at my heart and I have to be honest, I wasn't really all fall on my knees in obediance. So I began to think about Lent. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Matthew 4:1-11. Amazing passage on how Christ fasted in the desert for 40 days. So I began to think and God began to nudge a little harder for me to get my priorities straight with Him. My kids, I love them, but they are not my everything like they used to be. In fact, I've seen them as a burden. I heard a great messages at my MOPS group here by two different ladies. One was a devotion and the other was the actual talk. And man, with the Lord nudging me about selfishness and pride, he sure has a way to really bring home the point to you. lol. "Ok, Ok Lord. I submit to you." Now on my knees, humbling myself before my God, my King, my Savior, my Papa, I am here and ready. So, what does this have to do with Lent you ask? Well, I didn't realize that Lent started today, Ash Wednesday until the mentor mom at my table said it did. Good thing I did my research. lol. So, for Lent I am giving up tv, FB, and dessert/sweets. Wow! All three?!? you ask? Well, I got a lot of this as a response, "Wow! Going all out! You know that you are only supposed to give up 1 thing for Lent right? lol. Yes I do know that. Here's my thing though, If I only take away the tv, then I am going to be on FB more. If I take away FB, then I'll be on the tv more. And if I only give up the two and not desserts, well, I am going to fill that void with sweets rather than the Word. So, for me, that is one thing because they all go hand in hand with each other. They might not for some, but I know myself and my weaknesses, and trust me, they go hand in hand. 

Another reason all of this is God's timing is the last few weeks God has really been convicting me like I said of selfishness and pride. Selfishness with my kids and just wanting that time to myself! I've noticed how they talk with each other or act towards each other and it's a mirror of me. For the majority of their lives, it's been just me raising them. Hold on, back up you say. Yes, Hunny is here (not at the moment of course.. lol), but during the day, it is me training them. While he is in the field or deployed, I am raising them up (with both of our standards of course). So, as I sat and watched them one day, I realized that I am doing a really horrible job. Now, I've had the mommy guilt over that whole issue, but I know that is just Satan's way of getting me down. So, I know and am confident that God is still shaping and  molding me until I am with him. So are there rocky days, yes, but I now am confident in knowing that God is still working on me. Which again, is another reason I decided to practice Lent this year. I know that at the end of these 40 days, I will be so much closer to God and my family. I know that there are blessings at the end. So I am really excited to get started. I am hoping to write about it, but we'll see if there is time. lol.