As I continued to get older, I eventually became really good at religion. For years I felt privileged to say I attended a Christian school and was raised in a Christian home and that my parents are first generation believers in our family. Their story of how they came to Christ rang deep within my heart and mind. I always attended church even through college when I had to decide if I was going to church now that I was 3 hours from home and no one was telling me I had to go. I was involved within church ministries since I was in 7th grade. I even married a man who was a Christian. We had children and brought them to church. All was right with the world, except for one thing...
I became very good at religion. I became very good at saying the right words and doing the right things, but I knew there was something missing. I could feel something was not how it should be, but being the good church going girl, I kept diving in, serving, helping, etc.
Now, I know in my heart that I did ask Jesus into my heart at 4. I can see His hand over me throughout the years, even in the foolish decisions. I can see where the Lord was working to draw me close to Him. I'd try for a while to read my Bible and pray. I always felt less guilty.. for a while of course.. and then I'd go back to living my life again. Trapped in the enemy's lies that all I had to do was say a prayer and I was good for the rest of my life, raised in a Christian family and went to church my whole life and knew some verses and helped within the church, I was good to go. It wasn't until I prayed to the Lord 5 years ago when I was having a hard time in our marriage where I asked, well told, well demanded the Lord to show me what, if anything, needed to be changed in me because I didn't think I was the problem in our marriage. He was going to need to show me because I honestly thought there would be nothing.. and the Lord and I have been laughing ever since.
The Lord has used His Word, prayer, other believers to open my eyes that the thing that was missing, was off, was a relationship with God. I'm sure I was told this along the way, but really understanding what that meant and seeing what that looked like in other believers.. I just didn't see it.
Now, I know in my heart that I did ask Jesus into my heart at 4. I can see His hand over me throughout the years, even in the foolish decisions. I can see where the Lord was working to draw me close to Him. I'd try for a while to read my Bible and pray. I always felt less guilty.. for a while of course.. and then I'd go back to living my life again. Trapped in the enemy's lies that all I had to do was say a prayer and I was good for the rest of my life, raised in a Christian family and went to church my whole life and knew some verses and helped within the church, I was good to go. It wasn't until I prayed to the Lord 5 years ago when I was having a hard time in our marriage where I asked, well told, well demanded the Lord to show me what, if anything, needed to be changed in me because I didn't think I was the problem in our marriage. He was going to need to show me because I honestly thought there would be nothing.. and the Lord and I have been laughing ever since.
The Lord has used His Word, prayer, other believers to open my eyes that the thing that was missing, was off, was a relationship with God. I'm sure I was told this along the way, but really understanding what that meant and seeing what that looked like in other believers.. I just didn't see it.
So why the confession? Well, since that time, I've watched many of the kids I grew up with or my generation walk away from the church or really religion for many various reasons... a pastor/leader/parent's unfaithfulness, why God lets death and suffering into the world, I didn't get the house/job/car I wanted, God hasn't given me a spouse yet or a child.. you name it and you can find people walking away. Basing our faith in the Lord on our circumstances is tricky business. When things are going great we are more praising of God and worshipping Him and all is right with us. But when circumstances seem unfair, unjust, not what we wanted, well, God doesn't love us or God doesn't care. He left us. And in return I am going to leave him and just forget it because things didn't go how I wanted it to. What we fail to see as Christ followers is that God is in control.. always.
A while ago God showed me that I wasn't trusting my husband with decisions big or small because I wasn't trusting God. I am so thankful He opened my eyes to this truth. Since then it is an every day trusting the Lord. Trusting He is leading and guiding my husband to make wise decisions for our family. Trust. Big or small. I think that's where so many are walking away. They don't trust God, they don't see He is in control, they don't see what God can in the situation, and most times, they rely on their knowledge of God to get them through life like I was doing. Trusting God is so incredibly freeing and peaceful.
God is absolutely amazing. He led me to sit down and really say.. Who is this God that I am supposed to be following? I know of Him, but do I really KNOW Him? Someone once gave me the best advice, and pretty logical advice really, "If you want to know God, read about Jesus. Start in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John." So I did. Seeing as Jesus is God, I concluded that was pretty good advice. It's amazing the difference you can see looking back. I look back to where I was in my relationship with God just 3 years ago and it's so much deeper and different than what it was. It's amazing to see where God will lead when you just sit and read and get to know Him, spend time with Him.
So what am I getting at and where am I going with this incredibly long post.. which really.. anyone who's read my blog knows I am not short-winded. lol. My heart has been heavy for my generation and the generation coming up. I want to teach my children that it's more than just a prayer. It's more than just going to church every Sunday. It's more than serving in the church. It's more than listening to Christian music, having Christian parents, doing and saying the right things, and it's way way more than knowing about God. My heart hurts for those who walk away from the church because they are looking at the flaws of man as their base for believing. I cry when I hear of people who on the outside were following Christ and from the outward appearance, were committed to Christ but then walk away... which is exactly what the enemy wants.. divide and conquer.. separating us from the truth of God's Word, from other believers who are to be encouraging and building each other up in the Lord, or worse.. when the enemy has us so fooled into thinking we are saved because our parents are saved or because we grew up in the church. I'm no more of a Christian walking into a church than a zebra is a horse because he is running in a horse race... It goes way beyond that. Just some food for thought..
A while ago God showed me that I wasn't trusting my husband with decisions big or small because I wasn't trusting God. I am so thankful He opened my eyes to this truth. Since then it is an every day trusting the Lord. Trusting He is leading and guiding my husband to make wise decisions for our family. Trust. Big or small. I think that's where so many are walking away. They don't trust God, they don't see He is in control, they don't see what God can in the situation, and most times, they rely on their knowledge of God to get them through life like I was doing. Trusting God is so incredibly freeing and peaceful.
God is absolutely amazing. He led me to sit down and really say.. Who is this God that I am supposed to be following? I know of Him, but do I really KNOW Him? Someone once gave me the best advice, and pretty logical advice really, "If you want to know God, read about Jesus. Start in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John." So I did. Seeing as Jesus is God, I concluded that was pretty good advice. It's amazing the difference you can see looking back. I look back to where I was in my relationship with God just 3 years ago and it's so much deeper and different than what it was. It's amazing to see where God will lead when you just sit and read and get to know Him, spend time with Him.
So what am I getting at and where am I going with this incredibly long post.. which really.. anyone who's read my blog knows I am not short-winded. lol. My heart has been heavy for my generation and the generation coming up. I want to teach my children that it's more than just a prayer. It's more than just going to church every Sunday. It's more than serving in the church. It's more than listening to Christian music, having Christian parents, doing and saying the right things, and it's way way more than knowing about God. My heart hurts for those who walk away from the church because they are looking at the flaws of man as their base for believing. I cry when I hear of people who on the outside were following Christ and from the outward appearance, were committed to Christ but then walk away... which is exactly what the enemy wants.. divide and conquer.. separating us from the truth of God's Word, from other believers who are to be encouraging and building each other up in the Lord, or worse.. when the enemy has us so fooled into thinking we are saved because our parents are saved or because we grew up in the church. I'm no more of a Christian walking into a church than a zebra is a horse because he is running in a horse race... It goes way beyond that. Just some food for thought..
