Oh Church..

Oh church how you sadden me. Once again I read of hurt inside the church by other believers and my heart just sinks. I know that we are human, and I really do understand that the only one that won't hurt us, disappoint us, or fail us is God. I know that. But church, oh church. We are failing each other. I remember the church failing my family when I was a young child at the time they needed the most love and support. All that was given was judgment and rejection. We as believers take it into our hands to be the judge and executioner when the Bible clearly states that vengeance is the Lord's. God tells us that if there was a wrong done, He will make it right or will take care of it. I remember that while I was in college I had attended a Baptist church that was quite small really, but I went with my mentor as I didn't know the area all too well. Anyway, I became friends mostly with some of the guys in the church because well, I tried to be friends with the girls, but they rejected me. Fast forward about a year after leaving the college to get married and move way far away to NY. I found out of an accusation that was completely and utterly not true all started from one of the guy's sister because she honestly didn't like me. Do you know what that false accusation did to the church?! The church split in two! The consequences for our actions are often not thought of before hand and the repercussions are great and disastrous. Friendships break, churches split, people turn against God in anger, and Satan wins the battle. Church, we are to be unified in Christ. Despite how we feel about someone, what we think they've done, or just the fact that they don't seem to 'fit' in being a Christian. We are the body of Christ. We are to like Christ. We need to be the hands and feet of Jesus. If we see another believer or non-believer, we aren't supposed to gossip and spread rumors. Talk to that person. Come along side that person and help them! We as a church need to get out from our own comfort zone of selfishness and pride and extend the hand of Jesus to one another. Love each other with the love of God. After all, if Christ treated us the way we treat others, I'm pretty sure he would have given up on us a long time ago. The world would be more lost than they are now and there would be no hope of a future in Christ. I am thankful that my God loves me unconditionally. I am glad that he is patient with me while he is shaping and molding me. I am glad that he doesn't reject me when I sin. I am incredibly, incredibly thankful that He is God and I am not.

Laura Story - Blessings

Day... I have no idea

I always was bad at math... and still am. :) So the last few days have been fine with no tv, FB, or sweets. It's funny because I've tried to cut back on all of those things seperately and have never been able to do it. I always cave in shortly after starting. So when I felt God was nudging me.. no no, he was flat out showing me to do this for 40 days, I couldn't refuse. I have to say, that this isn't all about just giving up something for Lent for me. This goes far deeper than just the material things of FB, TV, or sweets. For me, this is about selfishness and pride. Can I say too.. God definitely has confirmed this to me too. Since before making the decision to give something up for Lent, God has been talking to me. Now, normally when God has talked to me, it's been through me feeling it in my heart. Like, "I know God wants me to do this because my heart gets all fuzzy and I can just feel him." Can't always say those "feelings" were directly from God or whether they are just me being overly pasionate about something. This time, however, has been different. God is changing me and changing the way he speaks to me. Now, it's taken me a while to realize this until a friend pointed out it out. Since leaving Korea, I've felt as though I have been talking to the ceiling or standing waving my arms saying, "Hello!? I'm here Lord! Please just speak to me!" So desperately have I wanted to hear God speak to me the way I know he can only do. While waiting and waiting, I've not been able to see God still speaking to me, just differently. So, once again I was on my knees calling out to God a few months ago. I was boldly asking God to change me because I didn't like who I was without Him honestly being the center of my life. If it was a decision between watching tv and reading God's Word, tv won. I'd fill myself with sweets because I felt that void of having God near. I'd sit and be complacent in my parenting and just in life all around and drown out reality with FB. God was speaking to mea few weeks ago and revealing to me what needed to be changed. So, the day before I started Lent, I went to my MOPS meeting. Now hold on to your seats because God is so awesome! There were two ladies that spoke that day. One lady gave the devotional and one lady gave the talk for the day. Both of them, yes both of them, talked about selfishness. Thursday morning Bible Study we also talked about selfishness. Skipping ahead a few days to Saturday, I started reading Landmines by Charles Stanley. I got to the end of the first chapter and what do I see? Chapter 2: The Landmine of Pride. The next morning as I sat in church, Pastor's message was on Selfishness and Pride. Then again Sunday night service, he also talked more in depth about selfishness and pride. Wow. Wow. I am so thankful to be hearing God again. It makes me wonder what else I've missed because I was too busy worrying about myself and not being able to hear God how I know he always speaks to me. Because you know, it's not as though God is God and he can chose to speak to us whatever way he wants to! lol So, the last week has gone good. Of course the urge or desire to watch tv is still there or eat sweets or get on FB, but they all seem so much less important than what they were. I'm very excited to continue and see what else God has in store for me. What he's going to reveal to me or even just to mold and shape in pride and selfishness. Not to say that it's a check list, like, "Ok, worked on that. Check. Now what?" Not at all. I know that it's a continual process of being molded and shaped into who God wants me to be for Him. So, until next time..

Day 3 er 4

Day three was good. We had a very busy day with school, the gym, running errands, and having a friend over. The kids and I played games and read a ton of books last night. It was a pretty good day. My patience kind of dwindled at the end of the night, but al in all, it was good. :)

Day 2

Well, Day two is done. Check. Funny how that is still in my head, as if it's a countdown to being a slave again to FB, tv, and sweets. This morning I woke up and again, was able to get things done. I was actually early for Bible Study at my friend's house. Yay! :) Today, I had Hunny change my FB password and gave my tv cables to my friend to hold onto until Easter. Can I just say, it wasn't until tonight, where spending most of my day actually taking the time to clean up after dinner, looking up cake designs or just ideas for some cakes coming up, cleaning the kids rooms.. I noticed that it didn't matter what I enjoyed or what I like to do, it's not FB or tv or sweets that is the problem, it's me. Me. I love God and I long and yearn and desire to be near him. I look at my oldest daughter who's heart is so sensitive to God right now that she literally cries because she wants to be with Jesus. She had tears in her eyes as we sat last week and watched a movie about the birth, life, death, and Resurrection of Christ. She was so sad that He had to die for us, but was excited and was bouncing on the couch when he rose again and ascended to heaven. Anyway, the point is, I have that passion and desire, but no matter what I take out of my life, unless I change my priority to Christ, I am going to continue to struggle with placing things in front of God and my relationship with him. When the idea of practicing Lent was thought of, I was like, man I am going to get so much done. I'll have so much time to read a few books I've been wanting to read or get the house cleaned. lol. How interesting that in taking these other things out, I just think of a million other things to take their places. Today was an eye opener for me with that. And that just because I am doing this doesn't mean the kids are going to be perfect or that I am not going to struggle with yelling. Praying for wisdom on how to teach our little ones about a relationship with God and letting God shine through me to them. I've been encouraged to hear Sweet Pea talking about me reading my Bible and seeing the kids sitting and "reading" their Bibles. :) And listening to them singing Veggie Tale songs is really awesome too. I love listening to their little voices singing praises to God. There's just something about your own children praising God with you that just is so amazing. :)

Day 1.. What in the World was I Thinking!?!?

Yep, that was my thought last night as all these thoughts flooded my head and then the anxiety crept in. Then as I woke up this morning, the habits of my regular day out the window, I immediately began to think (before getting out of bed mind you), "What in the world was I thinking giving up all those things for Lent? I'm not even Catholic or apart of a religion that practices Lent?!" Then I got up, got the girls ready for school, and actually got showered before 9am! I actually had time to run to the car place and get my wiper fixed. Because that took a whole 5 minutes of which I wasn't expecting, I actually had time to run around and find a dog kennel. Imagine that! I had TIME. Well, why didn't I have time before? Let me think about that.. I was watching tv and then playing on the internet or vice versa. Whichever. Then I'd get in the shower at oh 9:30/10 just in time to get out, get dressed and rush out the door with Buddy to get Sweet Pea from school at 11. Wow! I thought I was bad with time management, but come to find out, it's just because I am filling my time with things that aren't that important. FB became my connection to the world back home while we were in Korea. TV wasn't a big deal in Korea as we only had a few English speaking channels. So I did find that I was turning off tv more and having time to do other more important things, like play with the kids or be creative with them. So, overall, today was a great day. I was able to have time for devotions today, which was great. Didn't find a kennel, but I am sure I will. The point is, I do have time to do these other things, I am just lazy and don't want to do them. They aren't entertaining, which really, sometimes life is when you aren't on the go all the time or so impatient. So, today, I got a lot accomplished and was able to relax with the kids a bit and just laugh. All in all, good day today! 

Lent

Well, here I am. I've never observed Lent until this year. For the last few months, I have felt God moving, convicting, and speaking to me throughout my everyday life. Whether it be through a message from church, a podcast, music, or just my kids, God was talking. I'm not for sure how long God has been trying to talk with me because I like to talk a lot. So I have a hard time sitting still and listening to my Papa. Oh the things He has taught me in the last almost year since leaving Korea. This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days, and yet sad to be leaving behind dear friends. It was getting warm there and the trees were just starting to show signs of life. How awesome, side note, is it that these trees and flowers and the grass just keep coming back every year! God is so awesome in how he created everything. So, the last few weeks, I have really felt God tugging at my heart and I have to be honest, I wasn't really all fall on my knees in obediance. So I began to think about Lent. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Matthew 4:1-11. Amazing passage on how Christ fasted in the desert for 40 days. So I began to think and God began to nudge a little harder for me to get my priorities straight with Him. My kids, I love them, but they are not my everything like they used to be. In fact, I've seen them as a burden. I heard a great messages at my MOPS group here by two different ladies. One was a devotion and the other was the actual talk. And man, with the Lord nudging me about selfishness and pride, he sure has a way to really bring home the point to you. lol. "Ok, Ok Lord. I submit to you." Now on my knees, humbling myself before my God, my King, my Savior, my Papa, I am here and ready. So, what does this have to do with Lent you ask? Well, I didn't realize that Lent started today, Ash Wednesday until the mentor mom at my table said it did. Good thing I did my research. lol. So, for Lent I am giving up tv, FB, and dessert/sweets. Wow! All three?!? you ask? Well, I got a lot of this as a response, "Wow! Going all out! You know that you are only supposed to give up 1 thing for Lent right? lol. Yes I do know that. Here's my thing though, If I only take away the tv, then I am going to be on FB more. If I take away FB, then I'll be on the tv more. And if I only give up the two and not desserts, well, I am going to fill that void with sweets rather than the Word. So, for me, that is one thing because they all go hand in hand with each other. They might not for some, but I know myself and my weaknesses, and trust me, they go hand in hand. 

Another reason all of this is God's timing is the last few weeks God has really been convicting me like I said of selfishness and pride. Selfishness with my kids and just wanting that time to myself! I've noticed how they talk with each other or act towards each other and it's a mirror of me. For the majority of their lives, it's been just me raising them. Hold on, back up you say. Yes, Hunny is here (not at the moment of course.. lol), but during the day, it is me training them. While he is in the field or deployed, I am raising them up (with both of our standards of course). So, as I sat and watched them one day, I realized that I am doing a really horrible job. Now, I've had the mommy guilt over that whole issue, but I know that is just Satan's way of getting me down. So, I know and am confident that God is still shaping and  molding me until I am with him. So are there rocky days, yes, but I now am confident in knowing that God is still working on me. Which again, is another reason I decided to practice Lent this year. I know that at the end of these 40 days, I will be so much closer to God and my family. I know that there are blessings at the end. So I am really excited to get started. I am hoping to write about it, but we'll see if there is time. lol.