You're Right.. I Do Choose This..

"Well, you did choose this and you did know what you were getting yourself into". It's a saying I have heard so many times from people who have never experienced the military life. That saying used to bug me so much and make me so upset! Well, it still does to a certain extent but a flash of pride shoots through me. "Yes, you are right. I do choose to support and follow the man that I love and that God has chosen for me. I do choose to continue to watch him leave and come back again. You are absolutely right. I do choose to stay and fight hard for my marriage. I do choose to take on being dad and mom at the same time. Taking on Mrs. Fix-it and being Nurse Mom at the same time. Adjust, adjust, adjust. No time to relax with the thoughts of the next deployment or the next training period in the back of my head at all times. Never able to fully relax and enjoy being home with my Hunny while I can relax and enjoy him, but you're right. I chose this. I am extremely proud of my soldier, and what an amazing soldier he is. I love being apart of the military where patriotism is a way of life that you take pride in, not even thought of as a choice. I know that life has it's ups and downs as well as marriage. God said tells us that in His Word. The military just adds that extra stress. I can't tell you how many nights I have gone to bed after midnight, how many birthdays or anniversaries or concerts or first sleep overs, first loose tooth, kid nightmares, or how many times I've sat and held my children while they cried themselves to sleep because they missed daddy. Or how many times I have heard them push their Build-A-Bears just to hear daddy's voice, over and over and over again. So if you ever run into a military spouse, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Offer to watch her kids for a few hours so that she have some time to herself so she can be renewed and refreshed for her kids. Offer help and if she declines, do it anyway! She really wants the help but is too proud to say she needs it. Love her and her family unconditionally. The end. Rant over. 

A Donkey, A Stinky Stable, and A Savior

Over the last few weeks, God has been bringing to my attention (or banging me upside the head quite a few times) the real meaning of Christmas. Yes I know Christ's birth, but I guess I've never stopped to really fully focus on His birth. The last few weeks God has been showing me amazing things about Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, and even the birth itself. Reflecting on my own pregnancies and others around me who have just given birth, I remembered just how uncomfortable I was. With each pregnancy it's as though I was bigger than the last. I remember that the bigger I got, the more uncomfortable I became. Can you imagine Mary, this young girl around 15, on this donkey traveling to Bethlehem? For not just a few hours, because as you can imagine how fast a donkey can walk, but for a few days, weeks. Ouch is all I have to say! lol Imagine though, as Mary and Joseph, tired from their journey, finally found a place to stay, this wet, dirty, smelly stable. Imagine Mary holding Jesus for the first time, looking into the eyes of her Savior. Our Savior. Oh what it must have been like to hold Him, snuggle Him, and love Him. All the events surrounding Christ's birth from Elizabeth getting pregnant at an old age, John the baptist jumping in her womb at the presence of Jesus in Mary's womb, to the donkey ride, humble stable birth to God telling Joseph to flee, stay in Egypt, and then flee again to Nazareth. What an amazing God we serve. I can't even imagine the love that He has for me. To look back on my own life and see where God orchestrated my own life. I've been reading a book and it just touches on how great His love for us is. This is Nancy Leigh DeMoss quoting Hannah Whitnall Smith, "Put together all the tenderest love you know of, the deepest you have ever felt, and the strongest that has ever been poured out upon you, and heap upon it all the love of all the loving human hearts in the world and then multiply it by infinity, and you will begin, perhaps, to have some faint glimpse of what the love of God is."Wow! All that and it's just a faint glimpse. I can't imagine how much God loves me, but I know that He does because He sent His Son to cover my sins, past, present, future, so that I will be able to be with Him in heaven. I am constantly blown away by what God is showing me. What an amazing God I serve. An amazing Papa. So as the rest of December comes to a close, I'll continue to reflect and ponder on what Christmas is all about. It's not the presents or the pressure to buy a present. It's not the prefect dinner or the "peaceful" day. It's about celebrating Christ coming down to earth in human flesh to die for me so that I don't spend an eternity without Him. Oh Papa. How overly joyful I am to know that I will not spend my eternity separated from You because of You.  

Hi. My name is Martha, and I'm a servaholic..

We all remember the story of Mary and Martha.. dear Martha is cleaning and cooking and doing everything to make Jesus' visit perfect. She wants him to have a good meal and enjoy sitting in their home without dust and bugs and garbage and anything else that may be dirty around the house. (not directly talking about my own house) All the while Mary is sitting on the ground listening to Jesus talk. Can you imagine what Martha was thinking though? "Oh there's that Mary again.. doing nothing as I do all the cooking and cleaning, again. She doesn't care how the house looks. She doesn't care if there is food on the table! If I don't do it, who will!?" Or she could have been thinking, "Oh I love the way you hold me, by my side you'll always be.." lol Praising and worshipping the Lord in her head. I'm not sure, and I don't want to add to God's word, but as women we can all imagine what was going through her head. Whether she was complaining or praising, she was still serving her Papa, her Lord. 
Since I can remember, I have loved to serve. I love to help others and I normally do it joyfully! My heart screams Serve! It's just who God made me to be. When Hunny left for this last deployment, a switch went off inside of me. Call it survival mode, but I felt I needed to stay busy and serve, everywhere and everyone. Doing it all on my own, I might add, without seeking God. My intentions were good... A few months ago, the Lord started showing me that although serving others is a blessing, I need to be serving my family with the same joy as I do with others, and if I am not filled up and running on fumes, I can't give to my family what they need from me. The business of life and the need to serve, to feel needed overcame me this last year. So, over the last few months, I have pulled out of everything except church and Ladies Bible Study. God's been showing me that I have to be filled up with Him in order to give out to my family and that I need to be in His will while doing it. I have to also be filled up daily in Him by reading His Love Letter in order to be able to put on Christ and serve my family. It's not a slave type serving, but serving them out of love and obedience to God. There are days when I just don't want to clean the house, make dinner or get out of bed, but I do because I am serving my Papa. :) There are days when I just don't want to be understanding, loving, patient, kind, selfless, or anything remotely imitating Christ, but I am to put on Christ every day. It's challenging for me not to be out there serving in everything, but I have seen what it's like when I am running on fumes with my family. Yikes! But God is so good and I am also able to see the effects of me serving my family when I am full in Him. Outpouring to my family! I'd be lying if I said I was pleasant all the time and had healthy meals on the table and my house was always clean. That kind of thing is for Mrs. Cleaver. lol. I want to serve my Papa by taking care of the family and the house the Lord has provided to the best of the ability God has given me. I see that unattainable Proverbs 31 woman. I get intimidated by her at times. But God didn't make us all the same. He didn't make me to be this perfect woman who always does everything right. He didn't make me a robot. I am who He made me to be. He blew out the sand to find the jewel, a jewel I am still finding. I know that my Papa is shaping me and molding me into the woman, wife, and mother he wants me to be. So in saying all of that, this Martha is still serving, but taking a Mary approach. Because when you think about it, you can't fully serve until you are sitting at your Papa's feet. 

Father Filtered and Sitting at Jesus' Feet

Recently we started going to a new church. I am so excited about the church we go to. They read straight through the Bible, book by book, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. So whether you are a young believer or an old believer, it doesn't matter. There's no topical messages, just God's Word. I have a few favorite sayings from the pastor.. "Everything is Father-Filtered" and "Come and sit at the feet of Jesus". 

 "Father Filtered". Just think about that a moment. Everything that happens to us has already gone through the Father. So the trials we are going through or the joys we are going through have all gone through the Father before they even touch us. What an amazing Father we have. A Father who will turn the tragedies into the triumphs. He's able to use both bad and good to bring glory to His name. For so long I looked at trials as burdens. I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had a "Why Me?" attitude. Then I learned about Father Filtered. I don't see the trials as burdensome. I look at the trials in my life and say, "What can I learn from this? How is God going to use me or grow me so that at the end He can use me to be a blessing to others?" Rejoice in the trials as well as the joys because we know that it's already gone through the Father. Which is why it makes sense then to Come and Sit at the Feet of Jesus. We can come to our Papa and sit at His feet in trials and joys alike because He already knows what's going to happen. He already knows what we are going to learn and how he is going to use it to bring us closer to Him. He knows how he is going to use our trials to reach others for Christ. So why not come to the Father, our Papa. When I think of sitting at Jesus' feet, I picture myself literally at His feet like Mary while she listened to His words. When I sit at His feet, I am relaxed, refreshed, and a huge sigh of relief or comfort washes over me. I can't quite find the words to describe it. It's like falling into the arms of my Papa as he whispers gently, "Papa has you. Everything will be ok". When I come to my Father, everything may be spinning around me, but with Him, it's as though nothing else matters except sitting at His feet, bathing in Him. I can imagine how Mary must have sat with an eagerness, a hunger while she listened and hung onto every word that Jesus said. It seems as though she just can't get enough of what Jesus is saying. That is what it's like for me when I come to my Papa, whether through my own time in the word or through listening to my pastor on Sundays, I just can't get enough! There's a peace and a joy that comes that even though the trials that I am going through or the joys I am going through are hard to understand, I know I can come and sit at my Papa's feet. I know that I can find that peace and joy through whatever comes because it's already been Father Filtered. Thank you Papa for providing a way for us to come and sit at your feet whenever we want to without having to go through another person to get to you. Thank you that I am able to be in your presence any time. Thank you for for the trials and joys that I go through because I know that by the end, I will be stretched and will be deepened in my relationship with you!!

Did you know that I am a Princess?

"All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold. In many-colored robes, she is led to the king.. with joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king." Psalms 45:13-15. 


I have to admit, I stole this verse from a friend's facebook page. I loved this vision though. I am God's princess. I am in beautiful clothing, being led to meet my Papa. I know as women, we don't always see ourselves as princesses. We get up, look in the mirror, look at our imperfect bodies from bearing babies, let out a sigh, and continue on our day wishing we could just lose that extra weight. Or we look in the mirror and see puffy, red eyes that have just got done sobbing because we have let our anger get to us one more time. For some reason, we have this view of who we are supposed to be like or what we are supposed to look like. We have the world's view of this woman who has it all together, can do anything, and still has time to have a fashion sense.
Psalms 139: 13-18 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of the sand. When I awake, I am still with you." 
How precious we are to our Papa. Our Savior. Our Redeemer. Our Master. Our Servant. Our Creator. How precious are we that He knit us together. He didn't just say, Poof! He took the time to gently create us, knowing every single day that we are going to live. He knows our strengths, our weaknesses, our faults, our strengths. He knows that we are going to fail. He knows we are going to succeed. He knows everything about us because He made us. He Made Us! We are so important to God. He loves us beyond what words could ever describe, so his actions said it to us. 
So the next time you look in the mirror, stand there with your head held high. Remind yourself that you are God's Princess. Remind yourself that you are clothed in Christ and that it's not the outside image that matters. It's not your capabilities that matter. What matters is that you are fully, completely God's princess, perfect in His eyes. Perfect just the way God made you.   

Mercy

As it was pointed out to me tonight, I have a blog! Oh yeah. lol. Today, while I was at Bible Study, my pastor's wife brought a passage to my attention... just a short blerb in our study on the women of the Bible. Leviticus 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." This is something we have taught our children and I am so thankful that God brought that verse to my attention. I was able to then take that verse and relate it back to God with my children. I was able to teach them and show them in God's Love Letter that he is the one that gives grace and mercy to us everyday. What an amazing God we serve!


Well, in an amazing twist, I was reminded that I have a blog that I write in and I thought, well I should probably write in it. lol. So i sat down and tried to think of something funny and witty. I tried write about our recent church change. I tried to sum up my summer. Nothing seemed to fit. Then God brought this verse back to my attention. I am so thankful that he did because my day was fantastic until I went to my FRG (Family Readiness Group) meeting. I had children running all over. Children not picking out their food fast enough. Getting drinks. Finding a lost daughter of ours. All the while trying to listen to what the Rear D Commander had to say about when my Hunny would be home and how it all would go down when the soldiers come in. Mind you, trying to listen is the key seeing as I was not only dealing my own children, I was dealing with the loud roar of the adults having their own conversations over the Commander. How frustrating! Then after the meeting I had children not listening. Children throwing fits. And whatever else in between. So, after a long night of loud noises and children getting lost and not listening, I gave into my old comforts and yelled at my children. I was overwhelmed and didn't want to work at being a mom. What I really wanted to do was run away and cry myself to sleep. But God is awesome. And in the quiet of my heart, after the kids were sleeping in bed, He brought that verse into my head. When the enemy knows I am frustrated, weak, and just plain done with this deployment, God swoops in and reminds us that his mercies are new every morning. After apologies to the kids, I am encouraged that tomorrow is a new day. All excuses aside, it comes down to the simple fact of laziness for me. This whole doing what is right and good and what God wants us to is hard work. Giving in to my old nature is so much easier. That's the bottom line. For me any way. I am again, so thankful that God is a merciful God. Thank you Lord for the beautiful and encouraging reminder that tomorrow is a new day, full of your mercies and continues grace beyond what I ever deserve on my own. 

Passion

Passion defined is:
 Ardent love or affection; a strong affection or enthusiasm for an object, concept; any strongly felt emotion, such as love, hate, envy; the object of an intense desire, ardent affection, or enthusiasm; an outburst expressing intense emotion; any state of the mind in which it is affected by something external, such as perception, desire; feelings, desires or emotions, as contrasted with reason; the sufferings and death of a Christian martyr

Synonyms: passion, fervor, fire, zeal, ardor

These nouns denote powerful, intense emotion.
Passion is a deep, overwhelming emotion
Fervor is great warmth and intensity of feeling
Fire is burning passion: "In our youth our hearts were touched with fire" (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.)
Zeal is strong, enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance
Ardor is fiery intensity of feeling
 Passion. We as a church, as Christians, are lacking passion. Our desire to seek after God seems to have faded in the background, into our comfortable seats at church. We stand and recite songs, er, worship, and lift our voices to the ceiling, I mean God. Then the dreaded "Meet and Great". Oh man! If I could just stay in my seat and not move, maybe no one will notice. Or I could pretend to look for something in my purse so I don't have to say hello to anyone. Ah! Finally that is over! We slouch into our seats hoping no one will make eye contact because the nursery needs workers. We get settled, grab our Bibles and wait for the passage we are reading from. We open our Bibles as we always do and try our hardest to listen to what is being taught. Unfortunately, we are preoccupied with the noises around us and with seeing who is at church that morning. "Well, I wonder where so and so is and why would that person be wearing that?" "Oh what did the pastor say? I must have missed that." As the end of the sermon gets closer, we watch carefully as the pastor finally closes his Bible and prays. We stretch our legs as we, yawning, sing our praises and hearts to the Lord. All the while looking forward to eating our dinner. WHERE IS OUR PASSION!?! WHERE IS OUR DESIRE? When did the yearning to deepen our relationship with Christ fade into the mundane act of religion? I have been that person in the seats at church. I was raised on religion and the boundaries we put on ourselves because we are too afraid to step out of our comfortable seats. I have felt this passion for a few years now. This passion and yearning and desire to seek after my Papa. To seek a relationship with Him that will take me to greater depths in stepping out on faith. At times I want to get up and shout out to everyone "WHERE IS YOUR PASSION CHURCH?!? WAKE UP!" This amazing God that we serve has rescued you! He has saved you! Stand up and shout it out to all that will hear. Show it to your kids. Show it to your neighbors. Show it to someone, anyone. This passion for Christ burns inside of me and has only recently found it's way out.

I look at my children, ages 3, 5, and 6, and see this faith and love and passion to shout it out that they LOVE God. They get so excited to share the news with others and are so excited to learn more about him. They have an eagerness within them that they can hardly wait to learn more. We read Bible stories and night and they love to hear about God. They love to pray for their hurts physical and emotional. They pray for others who are hurting. One of the prayers said in our home from our Munchkin is, "God, Bless those who love you and bless those who don't love you." God has been humbling me through my husband and our children. He has been using our children to show me that eagerness and passion and desire to learn all that I can about God. He's teaching me to step out in faith. 

Oh church, oh brothers and sisters. Where is our passion? Where is our faith like a child? Where is our compassion for others? Our desire for God? I am so thankful for God's patience and long-suffering. I am so thankful for his gentleness and grace. I am so thankful that he doesn't get bored with me. I am so thankful that He loves me so much that he is pursuing me constantly! I am so thankful that I am not God because I would have given up on me a long time ago. Thank you Papa for always pursuing me and drawing me close to you! Thank you for giving me a passion and a desire and a love for you!