Separated

Have you ever had that feeling.. you know.. where you've done the unthinkable sin or the most common sin.. and you just feel as though, you just can't take it to God because you are not good enough for him now? Yeah, that feeling. I've had it way too many time than I'd like to admit. While I was reading my Bible this morning, these verses jumped out at me.. 

1 Peter 4:7, "The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray." 
1 Peter 5: 8-11, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Rest in him standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Wait, how did God know that hundreds, thousands of year later, I would need to hear that? Even the minor sins, in our eyes, can be a hindrance to us in our walk with God. I really feel that those two verses go together. Peter is telling us to be clear minded and self-controlled so we can pray. Why is that so important? I almost missed it while reading. If we aren't clear minded and self-controlled, we sin. I know that when I'm not thinking right or my judgment is clouded, I tend to sin and then reason it out later. Then I feel guilty and feel as though I can't go to God because, well, "Here she is again" kind of feeling. (Which is so untrue by the way. God doesn't feel that way about us when we sin.) So in staying clear minded and self-controlled, we won't feel as though we can't pray to God. On the same note, he reminds us that the devil is prowling around us, waiting to pounce! What a great example and a great word! Prowl. Here this poor prey is just going on with their own regular day.. eating, playing, sleeping, etc. and what happened.. that dang lion prowls around the unsuspecting prey, just waiting for his opportunity to ruin it's day! Good grief lion! 

Now, I've found a constant pattern in the Bible.. God doesn't just warn us and say.. "Ok, now have at it and be careful! Glad I'm not you in this world!" No, God always will offer a way out and/or a promise of his provision. In the last passage he tells us that through all your trials, all your sufferings, He himself will restore you! Not just restore you to where you were before the sins and trials and sufferings, but he'll restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. Because once you've conquered that sin with God's help by telling Satan that he has NO power over you, it gets easier to resist him, with God's help of course.

So be encouraged and be on the lookout for Satan! Let his prowl around you, but give him no reason to pounce! He is so tricky and wants nothing more than to separate you from God. That is his one and only main mission.. to separate you from God as deep and as far as he possibly can. Don't let him make you feel like you are worthless and nothing and that God sees you as an annoyance! You aren't annoying God by coming to him for big or small sins! You aren't a failure or a disappointment to God. Don't let Satan make you think that you are! You are God's child. He will wrap his arms around you. The greatest thing is that He understands. What an amazing God! He gives us ways out of temptation, he promises greater rewards when following him, he give us salvation, he gives us hope. Thank you Lord!

Our last few days..

Wow! I can't believe where the time has gone! We have 3 days left here in Korea before we head to Colorado, Wisconsin, and then New York. I remember looking at the calendar 6 months ago thinking.. wow.. it's so far away! Now I look at the calendar and think.. where has the time gone? Today we cleared out of our apartment, which, didn't feel real by the way. It just feels like it's just not happening. The last week, I went through the kid's clothes, toys, games, etc and sorted out what we were and were not taking. Then over the weekend, we separated what was going in the first shipment in one room and the second shipment in the other room. Then we put in another room what we weren't taking at all. Then of course there were the things we were packing in our suitcase, which this is a really hard time of year  to pack for.. the weather bounces back and forth between Winter and Spring that the suitcases are overflowing. So, Saturday and Sunday we sorted like crazy and tossed things like crazy. The movers came Monday morning and took both shipments. Yay! Monday night was also Christmas at the Lang's house and most of our food and kitchen items were given away. Merry Christmas! :) Throughout the whole day, Hunny and I slowly went and cleaned each room. We waited for the living room and main bathroom til Teusday morning because our wonderful little ones were up til 1 AM!!! Yes, because their beds were taken in the shipment, they got to sleep in dad and mom's bed. So, they were on the bed long ways, so they didn't fall off the bed. Well, bed time came and went and they didn't go to sleep until 1. I finally crawled in there about 1:30. I was then woken up shortly after falling asleep, drool and all. Hey I was tired! Buddy was crying about something hurting, but didn't want to tell me what, men. hahha :) Maybe he thought if he told me, he'd have to go to the doctor. hahah jk. So, then he woke up another 2 times after that. Along with him waking up, I was waking up everytime I heard a noise, about every 2 minutes. I was afraid the kids were going to fall off the bed. I later found that Munchkin wasn't going to fall on her head off the bed, but was falling off by her feet. Not sure how many times I fixed her. Then Buddy, I discovered, pushes himself up (probably to touch the crib bars) while he is sleeping. So here I am, waking up every 2 minutes because the kids were moving and I was afraid that if I hell asleep, one of them would fall off. Finally, after 4 hours of this, I fell asleep only to get woken up at 6:30am. Good morning! :) So, I got up for the day, got the kids breakfast and off to work we went on finishing the apartment. We finally got things cleared and what not. The landlord and realtor comes over to check the place out and tell us our final bill. Well.. seeing as there are wall paper chunks off 1 wall in Sweet Pea's room, and 2 small walls in Munchkin's room with huge tears, that will be 250,000 won. WHAT?! Then, Korea, Korea. Why do you like Bidets?! So the top of the seat was broke, from whom, I won't way.. cough, cough.. me. So the realtor gets on the phone and that model is discontinued, so we have to pay another 200,000 won to have it replaced. I mean really! Would it kill you to just sit on a normal toilet seat? Brother. The onyl good news about that was that our utilites over the last month, came down to more than half of what they were yesterday. Yay! So now we are all moved out and no longer have a place called 'home'. We are staying with dear friends of ours, which has been a huge blessing. We are so thankful for God's provision, once again. Now I sit here.. the kids are SO passed out in bed like 2 hours ago! My Hunny is on XBox playing with his really good friend, who might I add.. is just in the next room! And they are still talking on their head phone to each other. hahahhah. I love them! They crack me up alot and I know that Hunny and I are really really going to miss this family. Ok, stopping before the waterworks come!
The next few days are really relaxing, for me anyway. For Hunny, not so much. He only has a few more things to do and couldn't be more happy to leave this unit who continues to throw him under the bus so to speak. Anyway, Tomorrow I am really looking forward to spending the morning with my good friends and their kids at the park, of course Starbucks is a must for me in the morning. Then we are going to do something with the kids on Thursday, hopefully, and then that night, enjoy some great food and and wonderful friendships with 2 very special families. I am certainly going to miss Korea. I am certainly going to miss the day to day friendships that God has provided over the last year and a half. I am excited to be opening another chapter in our family's book, but also sad to close this one, sort of. :) Well.. I'm off to bed. I fell asleep a few times today during the kids' quiet time, which of course, wasn't very quiet. Children.. how do you run on so much energy with SO little sleep!?! Until I write again.. only 3 more days here in Korea!! 

Harmony

So back a few months ago, I was taking a cab onto post, most likely to go grocery shopping. It was a Sunday morning and the driver I had was a female. She was listening to Korean worship music. The only reason I know why was because a song came on that I recognized. As I write, my brain goes blank as to the song, but it was one I knew quite well, again, can't remember the name of it though. But as we were riding into post, she began to sing in Korean and I sang the song in English. What an amazing way to worship God in song! Two languages coming together for the single purpose of praising and worshipping the same God! I was just reminded of that today and thought I'd share that. :) 

What a Weak

Well.. this week was horrible. Last week I found out that friends of ours lost their triplets. On top of that, we also found out that Hunny's grandpa's cancer is back. On top of that, we leave here in 16 days and my dear friend leaves in just a few days. :( I had a great weekend celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ. And then again at the gym, I was reflecting. This is my last week working out with my dear friend. This could possibly be the last year for grandpa. And my friends are hurting with the loss of their children. The Bible says to carry each other's burdens. What if I can't carry any more? I feel like I'm going to lose it. I feel as though I just can't handle one more ounce of bad news. Now on the flip side, God can. And there are verses reassuring me that he does not give us more than we can handle. Maybe I am just handling it wrong? Or maybe I am handling it, but just can't see it. Either way, I know that God is holding me up. I know that Jesus is praying for me and interceeding on my behalf. But I am still mourning the loss of babies, the sad news with grandpa, my friend leaving, and us leaving. Even Jesus wept in mourning. On the same, but different note.. I love reading through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Reading through those books, I wanted to know who God was and what better way to find out than reading about Jesus. He went through so many emotions as I do. I just love learning about Him and His life here on earth and His promises for His children. I know God's promises for me and I do have hope in Him. Don't get me wrong. Life is sad sometimes is all. Alright. well. off to bed for me!

Orders!

So, we finally have orders to leave Korea! Yay!! Monday was such a horrible day. Learning that we could possibly have orders that day seemed to prove very stressful for me. All of a sudden, it was real. I mean, Saturday it hit me that we are leaving in just a few weeks. There are a few major things that are going to be happening.. we will be having out last date night with our very dear friends, I have one last MOPS, we will be having out stuff shipped back to the states, we'll be moving out and cleaning our apartment, we'll be going into lodging, and then making our way to the airport. There's a few more things inbetween there, but that's about it. :) I do have to say that my anxiety from Monday has subsided. Maybe I finally took my advice and realized that God has it all worked out. I was so at peace coming here and yet so uneasy about going back. Maybe because, which you'd think I'd learn by now, that what my plans are, aren't always what God's plans are. :) Not being blasphemous, but in a way, the Army reminds me of God. Just stick with me a sec. We as individuals make plans for weeks, months, years, or days in advanced only to have the Army say, Nope, not happening. I have something else planned for you. And in the same way, I have learned through the Army, in a sense, that my plans and God's plans aren't always the same. :) I may think that things are going to go the way I want them, but they hardly ever go as 'planned'. And in a humorous way (just because of my own personal sense of humor), God's plans always come out better than mine. Isn't that how it always is though. Like with coming over here.. I wrote earlier that I thought that there were going to be these huge plans for me here with reaching out to people and God using me to help others and on and on. Then through being here, I learned that God had bigger plans for me with my kids and changing me as a mother and a wife. Being that witness to my kids and teaching them in the way of the Lord, that was way bigger than the plans I thought he had for me. :) So maybe I finally took the advice that I often give to other people.. To rest in the Lord.

Munchkin

So. Amongst all the mess of moving and sorting and AHHH.. I've almost forgotten that our baby girl Munchkin is going to be 5!!! I can't believe it! She is so smart and so funny and has such a great sense of humor. She is very helpful and mostly doesn't complain about doing what she is told. ;) I remember the day we found out we were pregnant. Hunny was out mowing the lawn while I was trying to figure out how to read the test! (I took 3 just to be safe) I came running outside and waved him to come in. "Look!" He of course knew before I even did. Apparently I don't pay that much attention to my body and my moods and whatnot and he does. He's always been good about that sort of thing. :) So through the next 8 months, I tried to prepare for what I thought I was going to be a natural at. April 29th. That was my due date. Of course you hear the stories that babies come early, so when 7 months came and I started having contractions, I immediatly thought, "This is it!" And of course, no luck with being early. So, April 29th, I had a doctor appointment. "Well, let's check and see where you're at!" said the doctor. "YOUCH!!! What are you doing!?!" I cried. No one prepared me for that! "Well, you're going to have a baby today!" So we went back home, ate lunch, rested a bit, and headed back into the hospital. We were ready! We were ready to have this little girl natural! Oh dear. So I tried the breathing. I tried to take a shower. I threw up. I just missed Hunny. Woops! Sorry dear! "Clean up on aisle 3!" Ok, that was it.. give me a shot of narcotics. Yes, apparently narcotics are legal in a hospital. Anyway. I guess my eyes rolled back into my head and I finally got some rest. No one told me it'd be this hard! So, after that wore off, I just couldn't take the pain, so I caved in and got a walking epidural. My sweet hunny whispered before we made the decision, "Are you sure. I know you wanted to go natural and I wouldn't want you to be disappointed in yourself for not." He is so sweet. :) BUT GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL! :) (I love you babe) So, at 7pm the doc came in a checked me. 7cm. Yay! Ok, now you can have the epidural. So the nurse comes in at 7:30pm. I have horrible veins.. so she can't find it. "Can you hold still?" And not in a nice tone at all. I mean really? I am laying on my side with my arm behind me trying to control breath through these contractions and you're asking me to be still!! Finally she got it in. Then came in the wonderful man with the epidural. With a walking epidural, I could still feel the pressure, just not the pain. So, the doc came in at 8pm and said, you are 8cm. You should be having this baby very soon. Let me know when you feel you need to push." 8:45.. Uh Hunny, I think you need to get the doctor! My doctor was so amazing! She was a mid-wife doctor and was so gentle and so kind and walked me through the whole process. She was amazing! She came in at 9pm and 3 pushes later, 9:21pm, I was holding our sweet baby girl! She was so precious and so beautiful! I was able to spend the first hour holding her a nursing her. Cuddling her and talking to her. Hunny stayed with her every step of the way to get cleaned, checked, and tested. I couldn't believe that this little person came out of me! I don't think it really hit me and that I really fully bonded with her until she was a week old. And, to this day, I feel really guilty about that. Not as though I could help it. That first week, was like taking care of a real doll, except, I couldn't just leave her in my pile of toys for a few days and play with her later. :) I still remember her sweet smell. I still remember her throwing up on me all the time and taking showers 3 times a day sometimes. I still remember those late night feedings and those 3 hours cries from gas. Oh what I wouldn't do to have one more moment with her 5 years ago. Not as though I am not enjoying her now of course. But thinking back and what I'd do different and taking more time to snuggle and cuddle and play. Makes me sad to think of how big she has already gotten. My sweet sweet baby girl. I love snuggling with her and talking with her and singing with her and laughing with her. She truely has been a huge huge blessing! It's funny to look back and remember that I thought I knew all there was to being a parent. I mean, I had nieces and nephews and worked in the nursery at church and and.. :) No one prepared me for the joys and heartbreaks of being a mommy. The joys of watching them learn and grow and the heartbreaks of watching them grow. :( I am so thankful that God has blessed me with my kids. I remember thinking 6 years ago that I'd never be a mom. I have endometreosis and was never really explained how severe it was. The longing and desire of being a mom and it might not happen! What a blessing and a joy it's been these last 5 years to watch our children grow from inside my belly to baby to toddler to preschooler. Sniff.. sniff. We always joke that we'll put bricks on their heads to keep them from growing up! Or that they can't grow! They have to stop! Then they say, "But I want to get big like you! Jesus will help me to grow and you can't stop Him!" Oh I love our kids!

Almost there!

We have orders! Sort of.. Hopefully we should get orders later today. Well with that.. I apparently am not handling stress very well today. I woke up this morning, ate breakfast, took a shower, checked FB, etc. I get a phone call from my neighbor's son because he wanted to say hello. He is so adorable and hilarious! Cracks me up. Then I was asked to make 2 birthday cakes for this Saturday! I am so excited! Then shortly after, I get a call from my Hunny saying our orders should be in today for Ft Drum! Yay! That mean that it's getting closer! We bought tickets from Colorado to Wisconsin over the weekend and now Hunny has to go to travel and set up a day and time for the movers to come get our household goods. Wow! We have to start sorting through all of our papers, clothes, misc stuff to see what is going to make the cut to bring back to the states. Now we're trying to see about getting a space A flight back to the states. I feel like the stress is elevating! To top it off, I'm putting pics on FB because everyone is so interested and demanding photos like I'm this super important person.. ;) jk. So I'm putting up pictures and I hear, "Mom! Oh NO! Buddy spilled his milk! Ahh It's going to get me! Here it comes!" "Get a paper towel and clean it up!" (me) (very calmly, I might add) Then I hear, "Oh no! Sweet Pea spilled her milk too!!" Followed by cries, because spilled milk is definitely something that needs to be cried about. "Again, get a paper towel and clean it up!" Now getting a little more irritated because apparently no one is listening to me about cleaning up. I walk in to find that there is an enormous paper towel pile that has little of the enormous milk spill on it. "Clean up the mess on the floor and on the table. Stop goofing around!" Voice is elevated. Went back to loading these super important pictures. Munchkin comes in, "Mom! Sweet Pea and Buddy are playing with the paper towel!" Now this paper towel roll was completely full and she came in with an empty roll. "Sweet Pea and Buddy!!!" I come out to find a nice 'red carpet effect' of paper towel unrolled on the floor and Buddy running across it. I quickly correct him and put him in time out. Sweet Pea was cleaning dutifully. Good job. It was too late though. By this time, I was yelling at Buddy because if they weren't playing while eating, they would have not spilled, which would not have lead to an entire roll of paper towel on the floor. After I was finished helping clean up the floor and table and I seemed to have calmed down, Munchkin starts singing...

"If you're happy and you know it, clap you hands
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands, 
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."

All I could do was laugh. I know, it's just spilled milk and just a roll of paper towel. And I know that the kids didn't deserve to be yelled at. I guess the stress of leaving is effecting me more than I know. Time to spend some more time in prayer and in the Word and in song. I firmly believe that God speaks to me through 2 things.. through his beautiful creation and through song. I tell ya, through the sweet voice of my Munchkin, He spoke to me.