Dear Mothers..

How quickly the time goes by as your children continue to grow. From the first moment you find out you are pregnant with your first little one, time seems to fly. There are moments after the baby is born where you wished things would slow down and come to a stop. You wish there was a pause button in life. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Or even a rewind button? As each stage comes and goes, you sit down at some point and wonder where the time has gone. Thousands of diapers changed, hundreds of Cheerios eaten, and a whole lot of sleep deprivation. There are some stages in their life as they grow that you just can't wait for them to outgrow or move past. Tantrums, potty training, and sleepless nights. You sit down again and wonder where the time has gone as your child is now 3! Books  read for the millionth time, songs sung over and over, naps that go too fast. Teaching colors and numbers and letter and animal sounds as it sometimes feels never ending. Now it's time for school with crayons, art smocks, kleenex boxes, and backpacks. You watch them grow with excitement as they enter into this whole new world of learning and playing and hugs for their teacher. You are sad and excited as you know they are now 5. This is when life "slows down and you can get more rest" because you are no longer needed by them 24/7. Funny how we think we will get more sleep but for some of us with more than one child, there is no sleep. Even with one child, there is still no sleep with getting up early for school. Before you know it they are walking down the aisle and graduating from Kindergarten. As you sit and hold your not so little one tight, you think to yourself, "Will life ever slow down and stop flying by so quickly?" Before you can blink they are graduating from high school and are off to college. I'm not to the college stage, but I am past the toddler stage. Oh how I sit down and wish sometimes that I could go back and cherish more of those moments when I didn't feel like singing the ABCs that one more time. Or that time I didn't feel like snuggling because I had had children all over me from sun up to sun down. Oh how I wish I would have taken more time to play and not watched whatever the latest episode was on TV. The last 7 years have flown by right before my eyes, as if in a instant, all of our children went from baby to school age in a blink. Discouraged moms, hold tight and cherish those times with your little ones. They grow up so fast and without warning! lol Taken that extra time to sing a song, play a game, read a book, snuggle, go for a walk, whatever your little one loves to do to spend time with you. It won't last long. 

Deployments..

Whoever said that deployments get easier the more you go through them was clearly lying. They weren't only lying to me, they were lying to their self, and in turn lying to every other military spouse. (just sayin) I'd strongly disagree with that person who told me that 'wise' quote before our second deployment. I think that as you go through them more, you know is to come when your spouse is gone. Each one is different than the last filled with new adventures and surprises. A few things that stay the same are feeling lonely, carrying all the responsibility, and the tears. The last time my Hunny was deployed I thought I was ready. I thought I could do it on my own. I thought it would be easier than the last time now that the kids are older and we were more established in our marriage. I thought wrong. Four months into the last deployment, my children were so out of control from the lack of discipline and me excusing their behavior on daddy being gone I didn't want to take them to the store with me or go out in public. My emotions ran wild and nothing I seemed to do worked out. But I totally could do it on my own. I am so thankful that God showed me that only with Him can I "do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Life changed for us at home. I was no longer excusing horrible behavior or tolerating it. Though I sat and read the Word, that's only what I was doing. Reading the Word, but putting God back on the shelf so that I can do it. "I've got this Papa. Take a break". How gracious and patient is my Papa. Through that whole year, God not only showed me that I can only do things through His strength, He showed me that I don't want to do it without Him or without my husband.I am so thankful and grateful that all God has made my Hunny to be. I am so thankful for the way that he takes care of us as a family. I am thankful for the wisdom God gives him to lead and guide this family. I think that's why this deployment is so tough on me. Before he left, it was I who was lying to me. Yes someone did tell me that 'it gets easier the more they deploy' and foolishly I believed it. Walking around telling myself along with others that by this point it's a piece of cake. But as the time came and is now a few weeks in, I've realized that I've put God on that shelf again. My Hunny leaves and it's back to relying on myself. How patient is my Papa. Again He reminds me that He is my great provider, protector, healer, friend, Father.  

My One Comment On the Elections..

"The LORD had said to Moses, "Pharaoh will refuse to listen to you _ so that my wonders may be multiplied in Egypt." Moses and Aaron performed all these wonders before Pharaoh, but the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let the Israelites go out of his country." Exodus 11:9-10 Munchkin and I were reading this last night during our devotions and as I read I had to reread it in my head. Over the last few weeks in Ladies Bible Study we have been going through Ezra. We have seen many times who ultimately holds the hearts of the leaders in the Bible and the leaders of today. We should be praying for our President and whoever will take office because ultimately their hearts are in God's hands. We don't know who will take office or what will become of our nation in the next 4 years, but we do know that our King, our Father is holding their hearts and our country in His hands and just as He did with Pharaoh "so that my wonders may be multiplied in Egypt" our Father has a much bigger plan for His children. One way or another, fast or slow, with Obama or Romney, our nation will fall. The more it falls, the closer it is to our Father coming and Oh! I can't wait! Pray. Pray without ceasing! 

Rewind Please

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up thinking it's going to be a great day? Yeah, I woke up feeling that way today. I was a bit tired, but I got in the shower and got myself ready. Today is picture day for the kids, so the kids picked out their clothes last night and I had them ironed and waiting for them on the end of their beds this morning. I woke up one kid and got that one dressed without a problem. Sailed through it and headed to the next room. BAM! There it is.. the start of a very bad morning. Sassiness, me getting yelled at for turning on the lights, said child doesn't want to wear the clothes they picked out last night. Now I had a choice here. I had the choice to lovingly discipline my child or yell like a crazy person. You can guess which one I chose. The day before was a mess and I let the problems from the day before affect my reaction today. So, the morning is going on, no one is listening, I am getting more angry and frustrated because apparently being on time is against our religion and there they were, looking at spiders, procrastinating to get shoes and sweaters on, whining, crying, taking their time getting their hair ponies so I can do their hair, not looking for sweaters, the list just goes on. You know as moms, as the little things build up when you are in a time crunch, you get madder and madder and madder until all you want to do is explode and yell. So in the car we went almost 30 minutes later than when we usually leave. Now we can't get sea belts on or push our seats in. The kids are crying because mommy is crazy this morning and has lost her mind. While we are driving, I am going on and on about the morning and getting louder and louder as I can see spit flying from my mouth as I talk. Even as I write this I am ashamed of how I behaved. I sat there in the car fighting God. Fighting the urge to apologize to my kids. No, not excusing their procrastinating or excusing their tantrums also this morning, but apologizing for me. As I drove away after dropping the kids off, my thoughts then travelled to the events of yesterday. Spewing nasty comments and hurtful things I would say in my head all the while holding back the tears. I make it home, start packing a lunch for my Hunny and after finding out about my morning, he reaches over and hugs me. I couldn't quite stop the tears really. They just flowed down my cheeks. After he left for work, I grabbed my Bible and prayed and wept. No sobbed at my Papa's feet for forgiveness. I cancelled my plans for the morning and sat at His feet crying and reading His Word. Filling up on Him. This morning was a bad morning. I see the effects of me holding in words that need to be said and taken care of that day. My poor kids. They never saw it coming and either did I. I let my anger from yesterday become my weakness today. I am so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. Even though I failed miserably this morning, I know that I can come to His feet and be renewed. I know that there are many moms out there who can understand my morning completely. When I would talk to moms a few years ago, I would always get the "Oh it's ok to yell sometimes. Then they know you mean business. Don't beat yourself up over it." I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with that. That kind of yelling is a reaction to anger and I can't just excuse it away. I really do wish that there was a rewind button out there. I would do my entire morning different. What if something had happened to me on my way home from school? Would I want my kids to remember their last morning with me as one like today? No thanks. I am thankful that I was able to come and sit at my Papa's feet this morning. I know that's exactly where I need to be. Sigh. Rewind please! 

You're Right.. I Do Choose This..

"Well, you did choose this and you did know what you were getting yourself into". It's a saying I have heard so many times from people who have never experienced the military life. That saying used to bug me so much and make me so upset! Well, it still does to a certain extent but a flash of pride shoots through me. "Yes, you are right. I do choose to support and follow the man that I love and that God has chosen for me. I do choose to continue to watch him leave and come back again. You are absolutely right. I do choose to stay and fight hard for my marriage. I do choose to take on being dad and mom at the same time. Taking on Mrs. Fix-it and being Nurse Mom at the same time. Adjust, adjust, adjust. No time to relax with the thoughts of the next deployment or the next training period in the back of my head at all times. Never able to fully relax and enjoy being home with my Hunny while I can relax and enjoy him, but you're right. I chose this. I am extremely proud of my soldier, and what an amazing soldier he is. I love being apart of the military where patriotism is a way of life that you take pride in, not even thought of as a choice. I know that life has it's ups and downs as well as marriage. God said tells us that in His Word. The military just adds that extra stress. I can't tell you how many nights I have gone to bed after midnight, how many birthdays or anniversaries or concerts or first sleep overs, first loose tooth, kid nightmares, or how many times I've sat and held my children while they cried themselves to sleep because they missed daddy. Or how many times I have heard them push their Build-A-Bears just to hear daddy's voice, over and over and over again. So if you ever run into a military spouse, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Offer to watch her kids for a few hours so that she have some time to herself so she can be renewed and refreshed for her kids. Offer help and if she declines, do it anyway! She really wants the help but is too proud to say she needs it. Love her and her family unconditionally. The end. Rant over. 

A Donkey, A Stinky Stable, and A Savior

Over the last few weeks, God has been bringing to my attention (or banging me upside the head quite a few times) the real meaning of Christmas. Yes I know Christ's birth, but I guess I've never stopped to really fully focus on His birth. The last few weeks God has been showing me amazing things about Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, and even the birth itself. Reflecting on my own pregnancies and others around me who have just given birth, I remembered just how uncomfortable I was. With each pregnancy it's as though I was bigger than the last. I remember that the bigger I got, the more uncomfortable I became. Can you imagine Mary, this young girl around 15, on this donkey traveling to Bethlehem? For not just a few hours, because as you can imagine how fast a donkey can walk, but for a few days, weeks. Ouch is all I have to say! lol Imagine though, as Mary and Joseph, tired from their journey, finally found a place to stay, this wet, dirty, smelly stable. Imagine Mary holding Jesus for the first time, looking into the eyes of her Savior. Our Savior. Oh what it must have been like to hold Him, snuggle Him, and love Him. All the events surrounding Christ's birth from Elizabeth getting pregnant at an old age, John the baptist jumping in her womb at the presence of Jesus in Mary's womb, to the donkey ride, humble stable birth to God telling Joseph to flee, stay in Egypt, and then flee again to Nazareth. What an amazing God we serve. I can't even imagine the love that He has for me. To look back on my own life and see where God orchestrated my own life. I've been reading a book and it just touches on how great His love for us is. This is Nancy Leigh DeMoss quoting Hannah Whitnall Smith, "Put together all the tenderest love you know of, the deepest you have ever felt, and the strongest that has ever been poured out upon you, and heap upon it all the love of all the loving human hearts in the world and then multiply it by infinity, and you will begin, perhaps, to have some faint glimpse of what the love of God is."Wow! All that and it's just a faint glimpse. I can't imagine how much God loves me, but I know that He does because He sent His Son to cover my sins, past, present, future, so that I will be able to be with Him in heaven. I am constantly blown away by what God is showing me. What an amazing God I serve. An amazing Papa. So as the rest of December comes to a close, I'll continue to reflect and ponder on what Christmas is all about. It's not the presents or the pressure to buy a present. It's not the prefect dinner or the "peaceful" day. It's about celebrating Christ coming down to earth in human flesh to die for me so that I don't spend an eternity without Him. Oh Papa. How overly joyful I am to know that I will not spend my eternity separated from You because of You.  

Hi. My name is Martha, and I'm a servaholic..

We all remember the story of Mary and Martha.. dear Martha is cleaning and cooking and doing everything to make Jesus' visit perfect. She wants him to have a good meal and enjoy sitting in their home without dust and bugs and garbage and anything else that may be dirty around the house. (not directly talking about my own house) All the while Mary is sitting on the ground listening to Jesus talk. Can you imagine what Martha was thinking though? "Oh there's that Mary again.. doing nothing as I do all the cooking and cleaning, again. She doesn't care how the house looks. She doesn't care if there is food on the table! If I don't do it, who will!?" Or she could have been thinking, "Oh I love the way you hold me, by my side you'll always be.." lol Praising and worshipping the Lord in her head. I'm not sure, and I don't want to add to God's word, but as women we can all imagine what was going through her head. Whether she was complaining or praising, she was still serving her Papa, her Lord. 
Since I can remember, I have loved to serve. I love to help others and I normally do it joyfully! My heart screams Serve! It's just who God made me to be. When Hunny left for this last deployment, a switch went off inside of me. Call it survival mode, but I felt I needed to stay busy and serve, everywhere and everyone. Doing it all on my own, I might add, without seeking God. My intentions were good... A few months ago, the Lord started showing me that although serving others is a blessing, I need to be serving my family with the same joy as I do with others, and if I am not filled up and running on fumes, I can't give to my family what they need from me. The business of life and the need to serve, to feel needed overcame me this last year. So, over the last few months, I have pulled out of everything except church and Ladies Bible Study. God's been showing me that I have to be filled up with Him in order to give out to my family and that I need to be in His will while doing it. I have to also be filled up daily in Him by reading His Love Letter in order to be able to put on Christ and serve my family. It's not a slave type serving, but serving them out of love and obedience to God. There are days when I just don't want to clean the house, make dinner or get out of bed, but I do because I am serving my Papa. :) There are days when I just don't want to be understanding, loving, patient, kind, selfless, or anything remotely imitating Christ, but I am to put on Christ every day. It's challenging for me not to be out there serving in everything, but I have seen what it's like when I am running on fumes with my family. Yikes! But God is so good and I am also able to see the effects of me serving my family when I am full in Him. Outpouring to my family! I'd be lying if I said I was pleasant all the time and had healthy meals on the table and my house was always clean. That kind of thing is for Mrs. Cleaver. lol. I want to serve my Papa by taking care of the family and the house the Lord has provided to the best of the ability God has given me. I see that unattainable Proverbs 31 woman. I get intimidated by her at times. But God didn't make us all the same. He didn't make me to be this perfect woman who always does everything right. He didn't make me a robot. I am who He made me to be. He blew out the sand to find the jewel, a jewel I am still finding. I know that my Papa is shaping me and molding me into the woman, wife, and mother he wants me to be. So in saying all of that, this Martha is still serving, but taking a Mary approach. Because when you think about it, you can't fully serve until you are sitting at your Papa's feet.